I GOT IN

The most amazing thing happened yesterday.

Dad called during movie(Australia). Cancelled call. Called after it. Letter had came in. Panic. Dinner quick. Cabbed home. Got off. Ran up, got letter. Met Joshua. Plonked down on bench at void deck. Ripped open letter. Screamed. Teared. Hugged Joshua. Gay moment. Got shoved away. Started calling people who refused to pick up their phones. Cried. Tears of joy. A miracle. People staring. Me, oblivious. More tearing, congratulations and thanks. Thanked Josh for being there. Cldn't have done it without him.

Keble College, Oxford, October 2010, History and Politics...

HERE I COME!

Happy New Year everyone! :D

The most amazing gift from the powers that be.

Xmas Party

That's the last of it.
Was so knocked out last night I slept almost immediately after bathing.
Fini.

Gerard's Choir Concert

Attended Gerard's Choir Concert tonight. Way to go bro (:

I have no qualms about supporting friends for their concerts because I would like them to do the same for me. It means so much to a performer for the people they care about to support them, visibly.

Sometime back I chanced upon Lizzy's blog entry on the 2006 MEP concert (yes I googled my name, again) and I remember being touched, again, by what she said. Those very same people supported me again in 2007 - plus Rajesh that time - and yes, I thank all of you from the very bottom of my heart once again. TJ MEP gave me the experience of a lifetime and opened my eyes to so many things.

--
On a random note, I was in the middle of the hymns that I realised how magical the VOICE was as the source of all music and how all musical instruments in the world essential were created with the aim of emulating or even surpassing the VOICE as the mode of music production. The closest that comes to it are the wind instruments, but even then the brilliance of the flute or the piccolo fails to tingle the strings of the heart, like a plaintive hymn or soulful song. The human voice is truly remarkable.
--

I was at the concert with Petrina and Stephanie! I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY ARE BACK FROM THE UK SO SOON. anyway, no one will be seeing me until the summer of my 2nd year. I will be travelling before that! touring the world and stuff. It's good to see them again (:

God its only now when my friends resurface themselves that I realise once again how isolated I am and how much I miss them. I feel horribly socially inept now, just a mere robot incapable of meaningful conversation. I feel disengaged and distant, as if I've lost all semblance of a connection and unable to string the right words together to express the right idea. It seemed like it was just not too long ago when I sat in the MCYS canteen talking to steph on my HP about MCYS, the PSC psychological interview and stuff, or running around the isle during SYC with gerard, pet and others. There were laughter and there were tears. I remember Steph's farewell. The cheers, the songs, the goodwill and the parting smiles. She was surrounded by a whole entourage and was loved for being who she was. It seemed only yesterday that G was talking to me about his crush, or the time we studied in the National Library and me just embarking on my preliminary study of Benjamin Britten's Curlew River.

Where did all the time go?
Where did all the friendship go?

What happened to all those friends whom were close and where did all the closeness and friendship go to? They become locked away in a box deep within the subconscious, forgotten until perhaps the time when one faces the white tunnel into eternity and never-ever.

Friends come and go Weiyang says. I wonder if I have been an irresponsible friend playing that part in the lives of others as well. For many, we simply grew apart. A change in thinking. A new life, a new environment, a new destiny. Some, we choose to avoid and distance. For some, it was just not meant to be. Their hearts and minds remained somewhere else, transfixed onto another.

Perhaps it is just life. C'est la vie! Separation. Meeting. The twin curses of living. Many take it forgranted. To them it's not worth a second thought. But I desist in having to treat it as a mere 'normality'. In a life full of separation, it is oft thought that that person would have been long immune to it. Perhaps they are too busy with their own lives and their own world to realise. I don't.I refuse to accept it. I want to feel for every single relationship and person in my life, be it for good and bad. Everybody is special and means something to me. Only the most abhorrent of traits and character can make me turn against them.

Therefore in a most serendipitous way, I love.

--

Dear friend, far off, my lost desire,
So far, so near in woe and weal;
O loved the most, when most I feel
There is a lower and a higher;

Known and unknown; human, divine;
Sweet human hand and lips and eye;
Dear heavenly friend that canst not die,
Mine, mine, for ever, ever mine;

Strange friend, past, present, and to be;
Loved deeplier, darklier understood;
Behold, I dream a dream of good,
And mingle all the world with thee.

CXXIX, In Memoriam A.H.H, Alfred Lord Tennyson

--
But who will love me?

Books books

I've been reading a couple of new and good books. I shall do an extensive (i think) book review of em once i actually finish em! I shall post it here so the world can take a hint or two and perhaps read em as well.

So far, I've finished 'PREMPTION: A knife that cuts both ways' by Alan M. Dershowitz. It's a brilliant book analyzing the legal implications of a premptive and preventive war, and does a wonderful analysis of the Bush Doctrine. For all you people who do not want to become like Sarah Palin, or potentially facing a Katie Couric, READ THIS DAMN BOOK. It is essential reading. I must admit that I found the chapter on the history of the legal system boring to the point where I almost dozed off at my desk, but the rest were good. Dershowitz essentially argues that premptive war needs to be discussed and taken seriously. It is, in his view, wholly legitimate, and in fact has been practiced before in history. Premptive war should not be confused with the Iraq War. Nevertheless there are various considerations, which he does point out, which I think still remain as potent obstacles. Of these include humanist and ethical considerations. The other big problem, is of course the problem of sovereignty, etc etc.

In fact, PREMPTION is just 1 out of the 3 books in the 'Issues of our time' series, which are absolutely brilliant. I'm 3/4 through COSMOPOLITANISM: Ethics in a world of strangers now, the 3rd book of the series, and I shall tell you what I think soon.

The other book which I stopped halfway is Chris Patten's Cousins and Strangers: America, Britian, and Europe in a new century.

While I'm personally biased towards conservatives in general, this book is actually quite good as a introduction into cross-atlantic relations. Patten does go a little deep into the domestic politics of Britain, and at times the book sounds horribly like an autobiography - apologetic and explanatory - and one cannot help but wonder if he was making up excuses to explain away the title of being 'the worst governor of hongkong'. Even so, I have not actually came across a book that deals specifically with this issue and its refreshing in fact. The only problem though is that it was written in 2005 and certain things have happened - though i think many continuities exist and remain. I just wish he was less descriptive and more analytical.

In other news, Anderson Cooper just got a facebook fan page! yay! 1 more day to Gerard's concert, 2 days to Kettling, and a little more than a week to RAUNCHY 2008.

OCS Commissioning Parade

Before I go on to the actual topic, let me share this lovely poem I suddenly found while browsing through my copy of Harold Bloom's 'The Best Poems of the English Language'.

This Consciousness that is aware - Emily Dickinson

This Consciousness that is aware
Of Neighbours and the Sun
Will be the one aware of Death
And that itself alone

Is traversing the interval
Experience between
And most profound experiment
Appointed unto Men -

How adequate unto itself
Its properties shall be
Itself unto itself and None
shall make discovery.

Adventure most unto itself
The Soul condemned to be -
Attended by a single Hound
Its own identity.

What I thought was interesting was the focus upon identity, soul and consciouness and the speaker's thoughts on death. I liked how the speaker captured the omniscience of consciousness, presumably encapsulated in the soul, when he mentions that consciousness is 'the one aware of Death/ And that itself alone/ Is traversing the interval/ Experience between...' The word 'interval' acknowledges the finite nature of life itself, and the speaker regards LIFE as 'experience', as part of a larger 'profound experiment appointed unto men'. While 'experiment' makes it somewhat clinical, 'appointed' clearly draws it back to the idea of the divine and the presence of something larger than life above us all.

However even so, death itself is only known to itself. 'None/ shall make discovery'. No one can gain knowledge about death. 'Experience' ends with death. Life ends with death. Since consciousness cannot preclude life, it is such that Man will always be painfully aware of DEATH as a condition, just as one knows ones neighbours, or his/her surroundings, but cannot KNOW it per se.

I thought the word 'discovery' and the tone of exploration and curiosity made it an interesting take on the speaker's attitude towards 'death'. Since life is about experience, it is hence also like an 'adventure' full of 'discovery'. That is the essence of life. To discover is to experience. The experience itself makes it like an adventure. The 'interval' between birth and death is therefore, an adventure itself, as we attempt to find out and indeed KNOW MORE about who or what we are, and what everything really is or what they mean. In this case, the soul is therefore CONDEMNED to adventure. We cannot run away from new experiences, just as we cannot run away from LIFE. To live is to experience.

I did find the last line interesting and am not too sure what to make of it, though I gather that 'adventure' is that 'single Hound' which attends to the Soul, and therefore is it's identity. Not sure that I agree with that conclusion, but it's worth thinking about.

--- Moving on ---

I just came back from Jiawei's Commissioning Parade. I am so proud of you my dear bro.

I couldn't help but feel sad when I see all these young men (and women) experiencing emotions which I hadn't felt in a long while. The elation and joy of being somewhat 'liberated' from what seemed to be a tortuous 9 months. And yet, there's that sense of pride in it all. Something inside them that says 'Hey, I survived, and I'm tougher now'. That's something bonding them together and it's something I don't get to experience. Once again, I'm out of the current, and it sucks.

Chor was talking to me about BMT this morning and it seemed that he really liked it. I beg to differ. Did it change my life? Non. Not when I'm surrounding by whiny arseholes who cant stop complaining for nuts. (no offense!) It's this utter lack of purpose which disgusts me and makes me sick. That's not the way to win the 'hearts and minds' of the people. How can we let this group of people fall through the net being disgruntled with everything?

When I think about war and real soldiers who have seen real action, I become painfully aware of the naivety, ignorance and juvenile attitudes all around me. There is something wrong with everything, but I just don't know what.

When soldiers grow old, they tell their grandchildren abt their war stories, describe their medals and fill them with fear and awe at the same time. When I go to university, I become the laughing stock of my peers when I tell them I went through National Service doing less than 100 push-ups and being at the beck and call of secretaries.

some 50 years back, when the British and French had National Service, they would share if their friends abt their exploits in the Somme, Africa, Iraq, etc. When people look at me, they can't believe I had actually been in service. It's a big joke. When I meet up with my own peers decades later, I hardly have anything in common with them.

So many men find the military appealing because it appeals to their innate competitive nature. A civilised outlet for innate aggression, competition, and camaderie. They get a sense of pride, and vanity, from accomplishing courses, missions, operations. That's something that people outside of the circle, and yes, the less masculine of the race, cannot comprehend. You take that all away, and they are nothing. Or rather, nothing different that the common office rat. subdued.

Andy and Yeewen's Wedding

Just came home for Andy and Yeewen's wedding dinner.

Andy is the son of a family friend btw. 11 years older than me, which makes him about 31 yrs old. Nice guy, lively, with a great smile. Don't really know him or have spoken to him much, but first impressions count...

A wedding. The institution designed to seal the vows of commitment as a mark of true love. That's not always the case nowadays is it? I wish him all the best (:

As i sat there on the couch sipping white wine amidst the crowd and my family, i cldn't help but find myself slipping away into the gloom. i entered my little own world again, oblivious to the people around me. nobody really noticed or cared. i don't remember talking much either, apart from the voices inside my head. it made me depressed. i begin thinking about the unhappiness.

I am envious of happy families. I see them all around me. I think it's an evil I'm destined to live with, and I'm stuck in this wholesomely impossible situation where I don't even talk or communicate with my dad much or to the people around me. After all that has happened all these years I have come to reject many things about them even though things have changed. There is this psychological barrier which I just cannot overcome. I need therapy. Or perhaps just the courage to face it down and eradicate it once and for all, but it would mean digging up the skeletons of the past which are just too painful. I just want to forget them and put them aside. That's not happening. I'm living in the past. That is wrong.

I just want to be happy. have a happy family, like any other normal kid. I want to be able to laugh with them, be carefree and comfortable with them - not be paranoid about what i say or do. I want to be able to talk to anybody confidently with some pride, saying - hey come meet my folks, they would love to meet you! I want to be around people where I can joke and laugh comfortably with them, knowing that they dont take everything seriously and they love me for who I am and not what I try to be.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin with the people around me.

I look at the wedding dinner and it's proceedings, and I am envious.

That is partly the reason why I say I would never get married.

Watching L'Amelie has made me realise the importance of spending your life with someone who shares your view of the world and who sees the world in the same way as you. It is so so important. Sure, opposites can attract but there must be some sort of commonality to hold them both together.

I want to spend my life with that someone. That someone who sees the world the same way that i do.

at the same time, i am fully aware of the extremely low possibility of actually meeting such a person. I want it to be as serendipitous as l'amelie. tis true. im a closet romantic. i am perfectly aware of the possibility of remaining single forever... but yea. hope is good right?

right?

--

what do lonely people do to feel better?

French Cinema

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE FRENCH CINEMA FROM TODAY ONWARDS. IT IS OFFICIAL!

I watched 2 brilliant films over the weekend - Le Fabuleux destinee l'Amelie Poulain, and Bon Voyage.

I absolutely love everything about them. oh god. I love french cinema! and I love french! it is such a beautiful language.

pompish colonizers they may have been, but you can't deny that many of them are good looking.

Bon Voyage was brilliant in its ability to capture the tension of WW2. The plot is amazing, the action, wonderful. A tastefully done love story, as with l'Amelie. I relate particularly to l'Amelie for various reasons...

yep.

I really love them! :D

I watched Das Experiment and Catching Adam Cheng over the weekend. Busted over $70 but here are my views:

DAS EXPERIMENT: THE BLACK BOX.

Everyone who can MUST go and see it. It is a brilliant polemic on what it means to be human and an incisive study of power and human relations under particular stressing and dire consequences. I felt that the space and setting was used rather effectively though i it gave the impression of being cluttered in certain areas. The acting was good - brilliant in fact, for the leading characters. I thought the 'doctors' were not that good though, perhaps due to a lack of real character development. Again there were too many layers of meaning and too many possible ways of analysing that so many questions are thrown up without being ableto be answered adequately. The shock, tension, and anger aroused is however very much commendable on the part of the actors, acting, and the use of props - like the gun shot. Certain moments created a huge impact and impression and the actors must be applauded.

I did also feel that there was a disproportionate development of character for the characters, which I guess is inevitable given the numbers and their relative importance. The lead male actor is absolutely brilliant. He deserves a standing ovation.

On a more personal level, I found many uncanny similarities with BMT. Surprise surprise. Talk about a social study or a social experiment. The main difference is that there is a cap to the amount of power and authority in the military, in the real world. But the very fact that the play is based on a real incident says enough about humans and the possibilities of abuse, given the right coctail of circumstances. Note the abuse of prisoners at Abu Gharaib some yrs back.

I noted some very subtle political criticism with the constant references to 'internal security' and 'only doing our job' etc etc. True that the play as a whole certainly does not make a nice and fitting parallel, but i do not think that it would have been a viable option as it would deviate the play from it's original purpose and intent. What I did like about the play was how the divide between stage and audience, reality and unreality, seemed to slowly merge right from the beginning. By the end of the play, who - actors and audience - could be said to be solely and merely 'spectators' to these unfortunate turn of events? As the play progressed, I began to wonder how I myself would have reacted under those situations and it was dreadfully frightening to see little bits of me appearing on stage now and then when I least expected it. It was as if something out from the dark reached out to remind me of the horror and extremities of emotions I once felt.

More on human nature. Many questions were raised, but I can safely conclude that humans are more than just wires in a box. Liberty is so important to LIFE itself. Liberty is more than just a 'political concept' oft abused by politicians and human rights activists alike. It is something fundamental to BEING HUMAN. Yet to survive we exchange certain elements of it in return for something else - like safety and security. I felt that many humanitarian questions were raised - particularly about crime and punishment - which is impossible to be dealt with by just me alone. I feel horribly perturbed simply because there were so many contradictory 'prototypes' presented and it seemed to be that humans can go either way - or any way in fact! Every human being is different. Can we be simply reduced to mere generalisations and predictions?

That was on saturday night. And on another note, quite a few mediacorp artistes were watching on the same night as me. how lovely. pity i dont like their shows or their acting. i think that theatre offers a better glimpse into real talent.

--

CATCHING ADAM CHENG.

Funny and heartwarming. Sure, it was cheesy and cliche at some points and it started slow, but it got progressively better. As a comedy, I didn't expect much character development, though I found the way the characters were unfolded was nicely done. Kudos to IRWIN for his 'maiden' attempt at theatre! It's really not bad. (: good work mr see. nicely done.

and yes, it made me laugh so hard at certain points. good job.

--

Now, what's next?

I love Gyorgy! and I got his signature on a poster. I am going to frame it up!
I also managed to tell him what I really thought, and yes - he is absolutely brilliant and a true inspiration.

I haven't felt that way or got excited about anything for such a long time. It's amazing how music can move people at times. Lovely. Just lovely.

Mood: uplifted.

ADAM GYORGY's concert this wednesday! I absolutely love his piano-playing! He's playing almost the same songs as last yr in the same concert hall BUT OH WHAT THE HELL.

Had to go The Substation to get the tics and chanced upon that row of shophouses which i had never ventured to before. Shall definitely go there with nadia after her exams!

in fact there's so much i wanna do with nadia after her exams. cooking is on the list. ah cant wait.

I'm gonna watch Das Experiment and Catching Adam Cheng over the weekend too. yes.

i need more excitement in my life, and im going to get it.

Today was such a fiendishly hot day that I suddenly I remembered I was slapbang in the heart of Southeast Asia. my goodness. it was so intolerably warm.

Spent the early afternoon trying to find the Rough Guides' Southeast Asia bk at BORDERS to no avail, before meeting Kerry for her final shakeup for Lit Paper 4.

I need more students - if you need help in history, literature, KI or GP, I'M YOUR MAN. call me!

There were quite a few things buzzing around my head but I'm having a splitting headache now. I shall attempt to recall...

--

I was out with them for dinner last night. I felt myself drifting into the background almost as soon as they arrived. It was kinda scary cuz it only usually happens when there's the whole lot of us and they keep talking amongst themselves about people and things of which I have obviously no inkling and no part of. But it happens and they do it. I decided to drift into this semi-state of consciousness and just ignored what was going on. I think it's horrible how that has to happen when one is supposedly among friends, but I was never close to them in any case. I'm not crazy or cool enough for them, though strangely enough some people think that I am absolutely crazy. It takes 2 hands to clap and I don't think it's right to say that one hand sld go looking for a hand when the hands around it mind their own business. Many just give up and I don't think I blame them for that.

It was a timely reminder though. I hate it. I hate the fact that I seem to be more excited about seeing them than they me, or that my existence is the equivalent of an ornament to 'hang around', without any sincere desire at engagement or conversation. It's stupid. Really stupid. People don't invite themselves to things they weren't originally invited to. I'm sorry but that's not how friendships work.

Maybe it's because life goes on for them and they have moved on, but it doesnt explain why that has been the case since forever. time immemorial. i think im more than just the guy who provides the occasional words of wisdom and advice where one desires it. (I.E. I'M NOT YOUR BOOTY CALL).

I find that as time goes by I close myself off to people more and more as I realise the futility of opening up to them. Friendships don't work that way. It's not a trade-off, that just because you tell them things that they will as well, or that they see you taking this relationship seriously.

And yes, friends are more than just 'having fun together'.

--

I think I am now just waiting for the next big RESET button coming my way in 2010.

--

This guy came up to me yesterday at City Hall. He was an ex-convict selling pens at exhorbitant pricies. I was appalled at his desperation to sell something. Dignity? Nyet. I don't know why it made such an impact on me but I was thoroughly disturbed by it - it seemed, to put it very bluntly, like he was grovelling and almost begging in a very pathetic way. is society really that impossible for a man? who's the real culprit in the blame game? the crime? prejudice? the fact that he had pre-marital sex and has to raise a child with an equally adolescent wife? Why am I even bothered at this lack of dignity? Who's doing a thing about it?

--

I find that I feel for a lot of people. Some have told me I feel too much. Some might say that I am foolish in loving and trusting people that much. I find that it makes me human and it is part and parcel of who I am as a person. I don't think people need to identify with that, but they should at least respect it. You don't have to agree, but you don't have to trample on it either.

I thought that all my past experiences would have hardened me up to the point where I would become an unfeeling scrooge hating the entire world and blaming everyone else like an utter loser. Or perhaps just a cynical prick like many of my fellow countrymen. I don't find it to be the case.

--

By blogging what I say, I lose all objectivity. I fail to become a neutral observer on things. That has always been a myth though. No one is entirely objective, but I must at least stress that I have my own perculiar way of seeing the world, and of defining myself and who I am. Perchance there might come a day when understanding takes the place of mere criticism (without suggestions or remedies).

Rain

I love the rain.

The darkness around me. The muffled shades of grey etched in the horizon like a pensive impressionist painting. I walk on and I feel the breeze on my face, touching me and reminding me that I am still alive. I sing with all abandon. I see someone coming and I mouth the words before launching into another crescendo after a safe distance away. sometimes they hear it but i dont care. it's my song now. the song of youth and energy. something you dont have.

i am free because i can sing my song.

I am listening to Rachmaninov Preludes now - another of my favourite composers. Music of which I can never play or compose. That is perhaps the pity and regret. The palette of colors enter me and become brainwaves strumming the drum that is my ear. the sensuous warm tones of the piano provide warmth in this chilly night.

It is yet another night alone. but i am not lonely, because i have my music.

I decide i shall sleep early tonight. I am on the bed typing this. I shall sleep so I can plough through some legal history and theoretical discussions in PREMPTION tml. It will be thursday. I have no plans for tml but to read.

Music is the embodiment of ephemerality because try as we may, we cannot grasp onto the fleeting passions of the moment - the colors, the contours, the emotional highs and lows; the warmth or the cold. That is perhaps the beauty of music and the truth which it reveals to us. Art does reveal certain truths about the world, but it is up to each one of us to find out what it is, to us.

Who said music is useless?

CHOPIN

I'm listening to Chopin as I am typing this entry on my bed.

Some time back, music was the ultimate outlet and the ultimate escape from everything that is reality. I still love music for that reason. I can get lost in the world of the score - that little paradise which the composer creates and fills with structures, progressions, colors, rhythms and form. meaning. contours and artificial highs and lows. a breathtaking cadence takes me into a strange tonal level. every step a new refreshing angle.

i love the crunch of the keys as i listen to the polonaise in A.

the taking away of music then, is the removal of one form of escape. and im forced to look and listen to myself - particularly my inner thoughts. this is an extremely frightening thing to do.

why do i fear myself?

WHY I DONT BLOG (OFTEN)

Have you ever heard yourself say something of which you become ashamed of?

I do. so very often. it is not because i do not think before i speak, but that many a times i am just too embarrased, afraid and yes, ashamed of facing up to the real me.

i hide.

there was too much pain the past and that has left its indelible mark. I run and I bury it within. they resurface once in a while with a vengence. a small and short reminder of the darkness of the past and the ghosts within. the loss. i run further and i dig deeper.

blogging becomes superficial because i do not say what i really feel. i refuse to face up to them - not merely for politically correct, or mere 'sensitivity to others'.

but I have to try right? get the ink flowing once more and get me in touch with me, so that i can get better. life is too short to be spent running away or living in fear. yet it cripples one ever so irrationally.

this is going to be a long and treacherous path.

ANDERSON COOPER

ANDERSON COOPER.

I absolutely love you.

The chances are you reading this are NIL. So here goes:

I read your memoirs. I picked it up at Carrefour for $6. I recognised your face from CNN. and then I read.

I remember this line from The History Boys where Hector talks about the experience of reading literature, and how the best moments are when one finds somebody writing about a feeling, an emotion or experience, where he once thought was peculiar and special to him.

That is the feeling I get when I read your book. I sympathise and I empathise. Don't get me wrong - I know only too well the fallacies of a person saying 'I understand what you went through'. I don't. Perhaps I never will. But I have experienced my fair share of pain in this short life of mine, and I dare say that it was absolutely freaky to read about somebody vocalising that which I have tried so hard to bury deep within me.

It has been a long time since I have achieved any sort of connection with anyone or anything. You have done it. bravo.

I want to believe that every single thing written in that book is true. I feel that it is. I want to put my cynicism aside and for once BELIEVE in something. I am a child of post-modernity and insecurity is only nature.

I believe in you. Pls keep doing whatever you are doing and keep believing in what you do because it does make a difference to people - and to the world - no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Pls do. If I become a war correspondent one day, it will be because of you, and I want you to know that. Maybe if i follow in your footsteps, perhaps I may find want im looking for in this life. Perhaps then, I can finally escape.

If I was christian and religious, I would say that you would definitely be on my prayer every night and may God help you find the peace that you want and the happiness that you deserve.

I love you.

I am currently using the hotel internet.

I absolutely LOVE PARIS. OMG.

I absolutely LOVE LONDON AND OXFORD.

Good looking men everywhere.
Good looking babes too.
Style. Fashion. Glitz.

OMG and the grandeur of all those buildings. spectacular spectacular! i love it! i fell in love with them again. irwin was right.

I would give anything to stroll down the lourve or versailles everyday.

I will definitely update you guys on the details of the trip when I get back. It's only 9.30pm but I've been doing one HELLA of walking over the past week and BOY AM I TIRED.

My oxford interview is on 24 oct, 1230pm at RJC. wish me luck guys. this is it!

I absolutely love life right at this moment.

and yes,
it's great to be back.

Paris

I will be leaving for Paris this friday night and for the first time I feel horribly unprepared for the trip.

I am so ready to get lost in Paris.

This week's Newsweek is good. I liked the article on Palin more than the one in the previous week, though it did illicit some pretty strong views for elitism on my part, and I liked the Francis Fukuyama article on Reaganomics. Thought it summarised it pretty deftly. That's what I like about such journalism - i relish the clarity of expression, thought and articulation. Often incisive and at times provocative. It adds colour into an otherwise dull profession. This would never happen here though. This is the reason why I will not do political journalism in this country.

I'm supposed to be giving Shane bro my Being and Nothingness theory but I'm too tired to really mull over existentialist issues now. Will definitely post that up soon.

Meanwhile, all fingers crossed for the financial crisis!

US Vice-Presidential Debates

OK the US Vice-Presidential debates actually went better than i thought! I thought there was a good exchange of ideas in a generally amiable atmosphere. Biden was controlled and yet assertive at the issues and beliefs he held strongly onto, and even Gov. Palin was rather well prepared! Though both did not answer all the questions directly at times, and Palin's certain phrases gave the sense of an overt attempt to score points with the 'hockey moms', there was a sense that the debate did indeed go well. I am too tired to give my detailed analysis of the debate (i read the transcript and re-watched the debate) as of now - probably tml or something - so I'll reserve my judgement as to who won the debate, till later.

MR D.

NATO and the Russians

A good has come out of the Ossetian Crisis.

Several countries have made the first steps towards a stronger NATO and (perhaps) a more united Europe. The creation of identity often requires an 'other' and 'outsider', and Russia has conveniently fashioned itself as such. Kudos to Vladimir!

According to Defence News research, the Swedish military budget may see an increase from $5.9bil to $6.5bil next year and the Norwegian budget from $5.8bil to $6.3bil. A substantial increase in budget and spending in the Nordic states is spurred no doubt due to the 'unanticipated' events of Georgia in August. Premier Fredrik Reinfeldt's 4-party center-right coalition govt in Sweden had to suspend further cuts to core military operations, after facing increasing criticism over his government's handling of defense reorganisation programs since 2006.

Russia's flexing of its muscle has also rekindled the debate as to whether Finland and Sweden - neutral and non-NATO countries- should join the alliance. According to Finland's foreign minister Alexander Stubb, "We should consider the possibility of NATO membership. [though] We cannot draw the conclusion from the crisis in Georgia that now the door to NATO membership is open." Even so, there is the widespread realisation that current trends of military modernisation and spending are untenable. Opposition leaders in Sweden have laid barrage on hard-hitting cuts to defence spending leaving Sweden 'fundamentally defenseless'. Urban Ahlin, the Social Democrats foreign affairs spokesman, commented that 'Russia crossed a line, which I thought would be impossible after the post-Soviet drawing of the European map... We must now reassess the need for a stronger defense and security strategy.'

Even Lithuania's military is pushing for increased spending.

While it is disheartening that European integration can only take place with the increased prospect of war, it could also be hoped that these nations would find a policy of positive integration and engagement with each other and not merely create marriages of conveniences, in order to weather the current political storm. It is good that these events are happening without direct US involvement, though we cannot discount that the probability of US blessings, and that a stronger stand (not hardline as yet) is needed to be taken by Europe in order to maintain the fragile balance of power in the region. Russia may not be expansionist, but soft power needs to be countered actively before it is too late.

MR D.

Pakistan and the Taliban

Defence News, 22 September 2008.

US Lt. Col. Chris Nash has alleged that Pakistan has repeatedly flown helicopter missions into afghanistan to resupply the Taliban during a fierce battle in June 2007. According to Nash, The Pakistani forces not only sent helicopter missions, but also provided logistical support, training, and even direct and indirect fire for the Talivan and its allies in his area of operations.

Apparently, the Afghan government's intelligence service, the National Directorate of Security, had sources which confirmed that the helicopters were on a supply mission. While Nash hardly relies on Afghan reports, they were confirmed by a separate set of Marine trainers advising an Afghan National Army Battalion in the region.

While there is dispute both in the US military and Pakistani officials as to the truth of the matter, it is an undeniable fact that the fluidity (i use this word extremely flexibly) of the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan has indeed provided the Taliban/Al-Qaeda with a secure hiding base. As to whether Pakistan is helping the Taliban, that awaits to be seen. But it is not too far a deduction to say that corrupt and inept Pakistan is sabotaged by it's own people - insiders perhaps, who may surreptitiously aid the enemy in return for monetary benefits. OR maybe tribal-religious ties are stronger than national ties in that region. OR maybe it's a grand Pakistani plan to keep the US 'interested' in the region and use their soft power to legitimise their clearly not-so-democratic political scene.

Whatever the case, the Republican policy towards Pakistan is horribly naive.

MR. D

For all Americans out there, this is for you. Save your country AND THE WORLD. Do not vote for idiocy!

This is the reason why I love MATT DAMON:

'Tit for Tat'. Hegemons, Impunity, and the end of International Law

International Law is dead, but the Russians are not the only murderers.

The fragile international system erected at the end of WW2 has never worked as it was supposed to. Up till today, the UN rests upon a flimsy charter that postulates the need for collective security in order to deter aggression and ensure peace. This ideal has never been fulfilled in the ways which it's founding father envisaged it to. Collective Security only happens effectively when a hegemon chooses to step forward and lead the world into the maelstrom of a disaster - or so we think. Contrary to our beliefs in the benefits of a 'benevolent hegemony', this has been more of a bane than a boon, and the world must repudiate this concept in order to restore the sanctity of international law and create conditions stable enough for global peace to ensue.

The recent Ossentian crisis has given cry to a few claims. These will be addressed and debunked.

1) The Russians were doing the Ossetians a favour.

Wrong. Yes, the Georgians were about to pulverized them. Yes, the Russians have protected the Ossetians momentarily by intervening on their behalf, hereby preventing a massacre of sorts comparable to ethnic cleansing in Kosovo. It is seeming blindness however, to ignore the larger implications of the matter. Russia, until very recently, has been obstructing attempts by the OSCE (Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe) to conduct observation patrols in the 'security zone' created, displaced Georgians residing in the troubled regions in order to shake the faith placed in the Saakashvili government, discredited the Saakashvili regime further by hitting hard at the very nationalist mandate the government rests upon (to restore the seccessionist territories of Ossetia and Abkhazia), and have even resorted to imposing a regime of fear instigated by an ethnic chechen battalion caleld the 'Vostok' with a reputation for cruelty and looting. Continued Russian presence in Georgia is a devious attempt to cripple the country in the long-term.

Russia has been attempting to reassert it's sphere of influence, which had eroded via multifold political and economic problems, not just withstanding the terrible transition from communism back into the fold of socialist democracy, but also partly due to the lost of strategic influence over the Slavonic states, with the expansion of EU and NATO possibly up to it's borders. The crippling occupation of Poti, Georgia's largest Black Sea port, Senaki, home to a Georgian military base, and coming close physically to Tbilisi itself is the attempt to exert both real and psychological influence in the region, and internationally. This is not just about distracting a domestic polity from ongoing economic woes at home. This is the attempt to tighten the reins and consequently demand 'respect' and 'authority' as a world power. This is not the harbinger of international peace.

2) This is the beginning of a New Cold War.

Wrong. The crisis is not premised upon an ideological rivalry with the West. Rather, Russia was merely appropriating the 'practices' of the West, and merely using it in a seemingly childish 'tit-for-tat' way that makes international law and regimes a mockery. For this, we have America to thank. The US fiasco in Afghanistan and Iraq has shown the world that it exemplifies a pityful double-standard - or perhaps, a single-standard, as Prof. Chomsky has shown in his various books, that the opinion and dictates of others are necessarily subservient to US interests. This mask of benevolence has been violently ripped off their faces. With this loss of credibility, the US has lost the moral high-ground to criticise a returning hegemon, Russia, for its impudence in the international scene.

The lesson learnt then, is that the promises of the hegemon, be it their verbal declarations or our high idealistic expectations, cannot and will not always be fulfilled. The dangerous precedent set by a loose and rampant America in the previous decades could very well spell the end of sovereignty, and the sanctity of international law as we speak, for they have shown that every and any hegemon can do whatever it wants.

3) International Peace is best secured in a bi-polar world.

A terrible lie and falsehood.

The hegemon's idea of international peace is that which is ensured when the goals of it's 'underlings' match with their own. However while the states within the sphere of influence are free from the other faction, freedom cannot be guaranteed from the hegemon itself. They are free, and yet imprisoned. As such, any attempts to return to a bipolar system would necessarily abrogate the basic tenets and fundamentals of international law, which includes the sanctity of sovereignty of the nation-state and non-intervention in domestic affairs. These are necessarily freedoms in order to ensure relative domestic peace and prosperity, before international peace can ensue.

In order to protect our world from the ruthless war-mongering of a few, we need to take a strong stand against unilateral aggression, and the belief in the benefits of hegemony. A world without hegemons is a better bet for international security as everyone would be equally weak, and therefore need international law and the regimes to ensure their survival. The hegemons must be forced to be as free as the rest of the world. While an 'inter-state communism' is not going to happen because of the necessary geopolitics facing each state, the international community, and especially the EU, needs to unite and strongly repudiate and discourage countries with hegemonic intentions.

MR D.
16 September 2008